Couples Therapy

When a relationship needs support

Every relationship goes through hard passages. Sometimes the same argument keeps coming back. Sometimes one of you feels unseen, or both of you feel lonely in the same room.

Sometimes one event has shaken the trust between you. Neither of you is sure how to talk about it without making it worse.

These things are common. Asking for help is not a sign that the relationship has failed. It is often what gives it a chance.

You might find couples therapy helpful when

• The same conflicts keep coming back, and neither of you feels heard
• An affair, a loss or a money shock has changed how safe the relationship feels
• You have stopped talking, or what talk remains feels brittle
• One of you is thinking about leaving and the other does not know yet
• You are about to take a big step together, such as moving in, marriage or a child
• You are choosing to part and want to do it with care, especially with children involved

You do not need a big enough reason. Wanting it to feel better is reason enough.

How couples therapy works

A couples therapist sits with both of you and takes neither side. Their job is to slow the talk down. Then each of you can hear what the other one means, not only what they said.

Sessions are often weekly at first, and sometimes fortnightly later. At Relate, a session usually lasts about 50 minutes. You can meet in person or online.

There is no set number of sessions. At Tavistock Relationships, sessions go on for as long as you and your therapist find them helpful.

Sources: Relate: FAQs, Tavistock Relationships: FAQs

Your first sessions

The first joint session is mostly listening. The therapist asks how you met, what works, what hurts and why you came now. Nobody expects you to settle anything on the first day.

Many therapists also see each of you alone. At Relate, each of you meets the counsellor separately as part of the first assessment. The Gottman method starts with a joint session, then an interview with each partner on their own.

Time alone lets each of you say what is hard to say with the other one listening. Ask at the start what the therapist does with something you tell them alone. You have a right to know before you speak.

Sources: Relate: initial assessment, Gottman Institute: method

Sessions on your own

Couples work sometimes runs alongside individual sessions. One of you might carry a loss, a trauma or a habit that needs its own space. A good therapist will say so, and may suggest a separate professional for it.

If your partner will not come yet, you can start on your own. Tavistock Relationships sees many people alone, sometimes because a partner does not want to attend. Working out what you need is part of finding it.

Source: Tavistock Relationships: FAQs

What it costs for two

One fee usually covers the session, not each person in it. Using ViaCara costs you nothing. Your professional sets their own fee.

Lower-cost routes exist. In England and Wales, Relate's fees depend on household income. Tavistock Relationships also sets fees by income.

The NHS offers behavioural couples therapy when one of you has depression and the relationship may be part of it. NICE recommends the same. The partner with depression refers themselves.

Sources: Relate: FAQs, Tavistock Relationships: fees, NHS: depression treatment, NICE NG222

The methods you may hear about

Therapists work in different ways. These three methods come up most often.

A 2026 review found no couple therapy with strong support. It placed seven methods, emotionally focused therapy and the Gottman method among them, in a tier of modest support.

Sources: ICEEFT: overview, Gottman Institute: method, Imago International: toolbox, Jackson et al. 2026

When couples therapy is not the right start

Couples therapy needs both of you to speak freely. That cannot happen when one partner is afraid of the other. Respect, a domestic abuse charity, says couples therapy is not safe when a relationship is abusive.

Abuse is not only violence. The law counts controlling or coercive behaviour and economic abuse as domestic abuse too. It covers partners and ex-partners aged 16 or over.

If this sounds like your relationship, support for you on your own comes first. These services help people experiencing abuse from a partner. Each one talks through your options in confidence.

National Domestic Abuse Helpline

Women England

Open 24/7

Call

Live Fear Free

All genders Wales

Open 24/7

Call

Domestic Abuse and Forced Marriage Helpline

All genders Scotland

Open 24/7

Call

Domestic and Sexual Abuse Helpline

18 and over Northern Ireland

Open 24/7

Call

Men's Advice Line

Men

Advice and support for men experiencing domestic abuse.

Weekdays 10am to 5pm

Call

Galop

LGBT+ adults

Support for LGBT+ people experiencing abuse or violence, including from a partner or family, from an LGBT+ charity.

Closed 1pm to 2pm and at weekends. Closes at 3.30pm on the first Thursday of each month.

Mon and Tue 9.15am to 8pmWed to Fri 9.15am to 4.30pm

Call

If your own anger or control frightens a partner, support exists for you too. The Respect Phoneline is a confidential helpline for people who use abuse.

Our anger page covers what a professional can do with anger.

Sources: Respect: domestic abuse support, Domestic Abuse Act 2021 s1, Respect: about

For every kind of couple

Couples therapy is for couples who are married and couples who are not. It is for partners of any gender, and for same-sex and opposite-sex couples. It is for polyamorous and non-monogamous relationships, and for blended families.

It is also for couples deciding whether to begin at all, or how to end with care. A good therapist works with the relationship in the room, not the one they expected.

Who to look for

Look for a professional who names couples or relationship work in their profile. Ask what training they have in it, and how often they see couples.

Ask which professional body they belong to. COSRT, the College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists, keeps a register of its members. UKCP accredits psychotherapists and records which of them work with couples.

Ask how they use individual sessions, and what they do with something one of you says alone. A clear answer is a good sign.

Sources: COSRT: find a therapist, UKCP: find a therapist