Separating and Divorce

When a relationship is ending

Ending a relationship can turn every part of life over at once: home, money, friends and routine. Shock or numbness is common, even when you saw it coming. Relief and grief can arrive on the same day.

You do not need to have decided anything to look for support.

Source: Relate: separating

You might find support helpful when

• You are not sure whether to stay or leave
• You have decided to separate and do not know where to start
• You are worried about what to tell the children
• Your partner has left and you did not want them to
• The legal and money side is wearing you down
• Every conversation with your ex turns into the old fight

Deciding whether to leave

Some people come to a professional before anything is decided. Talking it through can help you see what you want, apart from what you fear.

Tavistock Relationships runs a service for people facing separation, including those not yet sure about their future. It starts with three consultations, for one person or for both of you.

If you still want to save the relationship, our couples page explains how couples therapy works. If an affair is part of it, our affairs and trust page may help.

Source: Tavistock Relationships: separation

Ending with care

Ending with care does not mean ending as friends. It means agreeing the next steps without the old fight running every one of them.

A family mediator helps you both agree arrangements for children and money. Before you ask a court to decide either, you usually must attend a meeting about mediation first. Domestic abuse is one of the exemptions.

A government voucher can pay up to £500 towards family mediation. The scheme was extended in May 2026.

If you are leaving because you are afraid of your partner, mediation is not where to start. Our couples page lists services that help.

Sources: GOV.UK: mediation about children, GOV.UK: court decisions on money, MoJ: mediation vouchers extended

Children and separation

Children often think a separation is their fault, and not knowing what happens next can frighten them. Many feel caught in the middle, or pushed to take a side.

Research finds that conflict between parents harms children, whether the parents live together or apart. How that conflict is handled matters most.

Relate suggests you agree together what to tell the children. Cafcass offers Our Child's Plan, an online parenting plan you can use without a referral.

Once you live apart, our family page covers co-parenting. If you are worried about how a child is coping, see our help for your child page.

Sources: Cafcass: Planning Together, Harold & Sellers 2018, Relate: separating

The legal steps

In England and Wales, you can apply for a divorce once you have been married for over a year. You can apply alone or together. You only need to state that the relationship has permanently broken down.

A divorce usually takes at least 7 months. A money arrangement becomes legally binding through the court, and that step comes before the final order.

Northern Ireland has its own rules, and you cannot apply in the first two years of marriage. Scotland has a simpler route for some couples with no children under 16. A family law solicitor can advise on your situation.

Sources: GOV.UK: get a divorce, nidirect: divorce, Scottish Government: family law

Who to look for

Look for a professional who names separation, divorce or relationship endings in their profile. If you are deciding together, look for someone who works with couples.

If you are going through it alone, ask how they support people through an ending. You can say as much or as little as you like in a first message.