Living with someone else's addiction is its own experience. The lying, the money, the hope, the disappointment and the hyper-alertness all land on you.
You do not need their permission to get support. You do not need them to stop first, or to agree that anything is wrong.
Support for you, in your own right
NICE sets the standard here. It tells alcohol services to let families discuss the impact on them. Where a need is found, it says to offer guided self-help and a support group.
The gambling guideline goes further. It says to offer affected others help by themselves, not only alongside the person gambling.
The NHS says the same. Getting help for yourself puts you in a better position to support someone else.
Meetings and a helpline for anyone affected by someone else's drinking, with Alateen groups for 12 to 17 year olds.
A helpline and email service for anyone affected by a parent's drinking, including adults looking back.
Guidance for families on dependency, boundaries and communication, plus one to one remote support in the areas it is funded for.
Adfam does not run a helpline.
A helpline for people affected or bereaved by a loved one's use of drugs, alcohol or gambling, formerly DrugFAM.
The national alcohol helpline. The NHS says to call it if you are worried about your own or someone else's drinking.
The national line for anyone harmed by gambling, run by GamCare, and open to family members as well.
A GP can also give you details of local support groups for people affected by someone else's drug use. Our addiction page holds the routes for the person themselves.
Sources: NICE CG115, NICE NG248, NHS: advice for families
When they need medical help first
Someone you cannot wake after drinking or drugs, or who has a seizure or stops breathing, needs emergency care. Stay with them, and do not let them sleep it off.
Source: NHS: alcohol poisoning
What it does to the person watching
The strain has a shape that people recognise once it is named:
- Checking, counting and searching, then feeling ashamed of doing it
- Covering for them at work, with family or with the children
- Managing money that keeps disappearing, or debt taken in your name
- Losing your own friendships because the situation is hard to explain
- Sleeping badly, or lying awake listening for the door
- Anger you cannot say out loud, sitting next to love you cannot switch off
None of that means you are coping badly. It means you have been carrying something for a long time.
Helping and enabling
Many people arrive worn out by this question. Where does help stop being help.
There is no clean answer, and anyone who offers you one is selling something. A professional can slow the question down with you. You look at what each choice costs you, then decide with your eyes open.
Some people choose to keep supporting. Some step back. Both are worked out in the room rather than prescribed.
If you grew up with it
Children of a parent who drank or used often arrive years later. What they bring does not look like addiction at all. Anxiety, perfectionism, difficulty trusting people or a reflex to manage everyone's feelings.
You are allowed to bring that here, decades on, whether or not your parent ever admitted it. Nacoa runs a helpline for adults in exactly this position. If you are under 18 yourself, our page for parents and young people points elsewhere first.
What we can offer
This is the part of addiction where a general counsellor or therapist can help you directly. Your distress is the presenting concern, and it does not need addiction treatment.
A professional can work with you on the anxiety, the anger and the grief for the relationship you expected. Then on what you want next. You can come alone, or with a partner if the two of you want to work on it together.
Our couples page covers the relationship side. Our addiction page holds the specialist routes for the person who is drinking, using or gambling.
Thanks for your interest. We're not taking on new clients at the moment.
Ready to talk about your side of it?
We ask what matters to you, then find professionals who fit.
- My partner drinks and I do not know how much more I can take
- I grew up with a parent who drank and it still shapes me
- My son is using and I cannot tell what helps and what enables
- The gambling debts are ours now and I am the one holding it together
References
- National Health Service (2026). Alcohol support. Link
- National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (2011). Alcohol-use disorders: diagnosis, assessment and management of harmful drinking and alcohol dependence, CG115. Link
- National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (2025). Harmful gambling: identification, assessment and management, NG248. Link
- National Health Service (2026). Alcohol poisoning. Link
- National Health Service (2026). Advice for families of people who use drugs. Link
