What is the Gottman method?
The Gottman method is a way of working with couples. John and Julie Gottman set up the Gottman Institute in 1996.
The method rests on nine parts they call the Sound Relationship House. Trust and commitment are its two weight-bearing walls.
The aim is to manage conflict, not to end it. Every couple disagrees. The work is in how you argue and how you repair afterwards.
Sources: Gottman Institute: research, Gottman Institute: method
How it works
The Institute names four habits that harm a relationship. It calls them the Four Horsemen: criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling.
Your therapist helps you notice these habits when they happen. Then they help you swap each one for something that keeps you both in the conversation.
The work also builds what holds you together on a good day. That means friendship, appreciation and plans you make as a couple.
Source: Gottman Institute: four horsemen
What sessions look like
A course opens with a set assessment. You attend once together, then each of you is seen alone. Questionnaires and a feedback session follow.
The therapist uses what they learn to plan the work with you.
- Friendship Learning about each other's inner world and expressing appreciation.
- Conflict Changing harmful exchanges and finding ways to repair after disagreements.
- Shared meaning Exploring hopes, values and the life partners want to build together.
These are connected areas, not stages. The therapist uses the assessment to plan the work.
Source: Gottman Institute: method
Who it may suit
The Gottman method can be a good fit if you:
- Argue in ways that leave you both hurt, and never repair afterwards
- Feel more like flatmates than partners
- Want clear tools as well as a space to talk
- Like the idea of an assessment before the work begins
If one of you is afraid of the other, couples work is not the right start. Our couples page explains why, and where to begin instead.
The evidence
You may have met a claim that the method predicts divorce very accurately. The Institute now calls that figure a source of confusion.
A 2001 paper tested that kind of prediction on fresh data. The accuracy fell sharply.
The Institute's own study followed 106 gay and lesbian couples through eleven sessions. It had no control group.
A 2026 review placed the Gottman method among seven couple therapies with modest support. It found that no model had strong support.
NICE does not name the Gottman method in its guideline on depression. The couples approach it does name is behavioural couples therapy.
Sources: Gottman Institute: research FAQ, Heyman & Smith Slep 2001, Garanzini et al. 2017, Jackson et al. 2026, NICE NG222
Training and what to ask
Training runs in three levels, and certifying takes longer again. The Institute says its certificate is not a licence.
Ask a therapist which level they reached, and which register they are on. The register tells you about their core training and who they answer to.
To compare methods, emotionally focused therapy works on the emotional bond. Imago relationship therapy works through a guided dialogue.
Source: Gottman Institute: certification
Thanks for your interest. We're not taking on new clients at the moment.
Looking for a Gottman-trained therapist?
We ask what matters to you, then find professionals who fit.
- We argue and never repair afterwards
- I want to try the Gottman method
- We have drifted apart and feel like flatmates
- A therapist mentioned the four horsemen and I want to know more
References
- The Gottman Institute (2026). The Gottman Method. gottman.com
- The Gottman Institute (2025). Research. gottman.com
- The Gottman Institute (2026). Research FAQ. gottman.com
- The Gottman Institute (2026). The Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling. gottman.com
- The Gottman Institute (2026). Certification track. gottman.com
- Heyman, R. E. & Smith Slep, A. M. (2001). The hazards of predicting divorce without crossvalidation. Journal of Marriage and Family. doi:10.1111/j.1741-3737.2001.00473.x
- Garanzini, S., Yee, A., Gottman, J., Gottman, J., Cole, C., Preciado, M. & Jasculca, C. (2017). Results of Gottman method couples therapy with gay and lesbian couples. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy. doi:10.1111/jmft.12276
- Jackson, J. B., Codecá, L., Miller, R. B., Simpson, J. E., O'Leary, A. M. & Renner, S. M. (2026). Empirically supported couple therapy models for couple relationship distress: A replication and update. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy. doi:10.1111/jmft.70162
- National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (2022). Depression in adults: treatment and management (NG222). nice.org.uk
