Couples Counselling

What is couples counselling?

Couples counselling is talking with a trained counsellor as a couple. It names a training in couples work, not one named method.

A counsellor does not give you advice or their own opinion. They help you both see the situation more clearly, so the next step is yours.

Some couples counsellors train in one method, such as the Gottman method or emotionally focused therapy. Ask a counsellor how they work.

Source: BACP: counselling

How it works

A couples counsellor sits with both of you and takes neither side. Their job is to slow the talk down, so each of you can hear what the other one means.

You might bring the same row on repeat, or a loss of trust. You might bring a big change, such as a new baby, or a choice about staying together.

Relate says counselling can help couples talk through and negotiate a separation or a divorce.

Source: Relate: FAQs

What sessions look like

At Relate, a session usually lasts about 50 minutes.

At Relate, the start is an assessment over two sessions. The first is a joint meeting. In the second, each of you meets the counsellor alone for 25 minutes.

Ask at the start what the counsellor does with something you tell them alone.

At Tavistock Relationships, you get a regular weekly appointment. Sessions go on for as long as you and your therapist find them helpful.

Sources: Relate: FAQs, Relate: initial assessments, Tavistock Relationships: FAQs

If your partner will not come

You can start on your own. Tavistock Relationships sees many people alone, sometimes because a partner does not want to attend.

Relate cannot ask your partner to come for you. It can help you plan how to raise it.

If one of you is afraid of the other, couples counselling is not the right start. Our couples page explains why, and where to begin instead.

Sources: Tavistock Relationships: FAQs, Relate: FAQs

What it costs

One fee usually covers the session, not each person in it. In England and Wales, Relate's fees depend on household income. Tavistock Relationships also sets fees by income.

Depression can be part of the strain. Then NICE says to consider behavioural couples therapy. NICE does not name couples counselling as such.

Sources: Relate: FAQs, Tavistock Relationships: fees, NICE NG222

Training and what to ask

Relate says all its counsellors are specially trained in relationship counselling. Qualifying with Relate takes two to three years.

Counsellor is not a protected title in the UK. Anyone can use the word, so the register matters more than the title.

Look for a counsellor on a register accredited by the Professional Standards Authority. Ask where they trained in couples work. Our counselling page covers counselling for one person.

Sources: Relate: FAQs, POST: professional regulation, PSA: accredited registers