Comparison and Self-Worth Online

Online, you see other people's best moments next to your ordinary day. It is easy to come away feeling that you have less, or that you are less.

Mind says comparing yourself with others online can harm your self-esteem and how you see your life. You can feel that way even when you know the feed is not the whole story.

This page is for adults. If you are under 18, the under-18s section is for you.

Source: Mind: being online

Why it gets to you

A feed is an edit. Mind points out that we mostly see what other people want to share about their lives. You may see the new job or the holiday, and rarely the rejection or the row.

So you measure your whole life, seen from the inside, against a few chosen moments of someone else's. You do not see how they feel when the phone goes down. Few lives would come out well from that comparison.

Psychologists have studied how people compare themselves with others since the 1950s. We think a feed gives that old habit far more to work with, at any hour.

Sources: Mind: being online, Festinger 1954

What it can look like

You may recognise some of these:

• You close an app feeling worse than when you opened it
• A friend's wedding, baby or promotion leaves you feeling behind
• You count the likes on a post and feel judged by the number
• You edit photos of yourself, or delete them, before anyone else can see
• Your home, your job or your body starts to feel not good enough
• You keep your own good news to yourself, because it seems small

None of this makes you shallow or ungrateful. It is what a steady stream of other people's highlights can do.

When it is about your body

Much of what you see online is about how people look. Just over one in five UK adults said social media images made them worry about their body image.

That survey dates from 2019, so the share today may be different.

If comparing your body has changed how you eat or exercise, read our eating and body image page. It covers body image and food, and where to find support.

Source: MHF: body image 2019

Small changes that can help

Mind names constant comparing with others as one sign you may need a break from being online. It suggests changes you can try:

• Check in with yourself about how you feel while you are online
• Unfollow people or accounts that do not make you feel good
• Delete apps that make your mental health worse
• Turn off notification sounds, so apps are easier to ignore

You do not have to give up social media. Small changes to what you see, and when, can make it feel lighter.

Source: Mind: online offline balance

What talking can help with

Comparison can hook onto something already there, such as low self-esteem, loneliness or a hard stretch in your life. A professional can help with what sits underneath the scrolling.

• Noticing when comparison starts, and what sets it off
• Quietening the inner voice that turns other people's news into proof you are failing
• Working out what you want, rather than what the feed tells you to want
• Choosing how you use social media, instead of it choosing for you

If comparing has worn down your confidence, our low self-esteem page says more. For low self-esteem, the NHS names counselling and cognitive behavioural therapy as treatments.

If it has become a low mood that will not lift, read about depression.

Source: NHS: raising self-esteem