![A lavender armchair by a kitchen window at night, with one lamp on and a cold cup of tea](https://viacara.com/img/content/someone-elses-addiction-feature-light.webp) # Someone Else's Addiction When a partner, parent or child is drinking, using or gambling, the strain lands on you too. Support exists for you, in your own right. Living with someone else's addiction is its own experience. The lying, the money, the hope, the disappointment and the hyper-alertness all land on you. You do not need their permission to get support. You do not need them to stop first, or to agree that anything is wrong. ## Support for you, in your *own* right NICE sets the standard here. It tells alcohol services to let families discuss the impact on them. Where a need is found, it says to offer guided self-help and a support group. The gambling guideline goes further. It says to offer affected others help by themselves, not only alongside the person gambling. The NHS says the same. Getting help for yourself puts you in a better position to support someone else. [Al-Anon](https://al-anonuk.org.uk) Anyone affected by someone's drinking Meetings and a helpline for anyone affected by someone else's drinking, with Alateen groups for 12 to 17 year olds. 10am to 10pm, daily [Call](tel:+448000086811) [Find a meeting](https://al-anonuk.org.uk/meetings/) [Nacoa](https://nacoa.org.uk) Children of alcohol-dependent parents, at any age A helpline and email service for anyone affected by a parent's drinking, including adults looking back. Monday to Saturday 10am to 7pm [Call](tel:+448003583456) [Email](mailto:helpline@nacoa.org.uk) [Adfam](https://adfam.org.uk) Families affected by drugs, alcohol or gambling Guidance for families on dependency, boundaries and communication, plus one to one remote support in the areas it is funded for. Adfam does not run a helpline. [Find support](https://adfam.org.uk/find-support/) [Addiction Family Support](https://addictionfamilysupport.org.uk) Families, friends and partners A helpline for people affected or bereaved by a loved one's use of drugs, alcohol or gambling, formerly DrugFAM. Mon and Tue 9am to 6pm Wed and Thu 9am to 8pm Fri 9am to 5pm Sat 9am to noon Sun 5pm to 8pm [Call](tel:+443008883853) [Drinkline](https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/alcohol-advice/alcohol-support/) Adults The national alcohol helpline. The NHS says to call it if you are worried about your own or someone else's drinking. Weekdays 9am to 8pm weekends 11am to 4pm [Call](tel:+443001231110) [National Gambling Helpline](https://www.gamcare.org.uk) Anyone affected by gambling The national line for anyone harmed by gambling, run by GamCare, and open to family members as well. 24/7 [Call](tel:+448088020133) [Live chat](https://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/talk-to-us-now/) A GP can also give you details of local support groups for people affected by someone else's drug use. Our [addiction page](https://viacara.com/support/addiction/) holds the routes for the person themselves. Sources: [NICE CG115](https://viacara.com/support/someone-elses-addiction/#ref-2), [NICE NG248](https://viacara.com/support/someone-elses-addiction/#ref-3), [NHS: advice for families](https://viacara.com/support/someone-elses-addiction/#ref-5) ![The same kitchen in the morning, the window open and the table cleared](https://viacara.com/img/content/someone-elses-addiction-mid-light.webp) You are allowed to get support for yourself, whatever they decide to do ## When they need *medical* help first Someone you cannot wake after drinking or drugs, or who has a seizure or stops breathing, needs emergency care. Stay with them, and do not let them sleep it off. Source: [NHS: alcohol poisoning](https://viacara.com/support/someone-elses-addiction/#ref-4) ## What it *does* to the person watching The strain has a shape that people recognise once it is named: - Checking, counting and searching, then feeling ashamed of doing it - Covering for them at work, with family or with the children - Managing money that keeps disappearing, or debt taken in your name - Losing your own friendships because the situation is hard to explain - Sleeping badly, or lying awake listening for the door - Anger you cannot say out loud, sitting next to love you cannot switch off None of that means you are coping badly. It means you have been carrying something for a long time. ## Helping and *enabling* Many people arrive worn out by this question. Where does help stop being help. There is no clean answer, and anyone who offers you one is selling something. A professional can slow the question down with you. You look at what each choice costs you, then decide with your eyes open. Some people choose to keep supporting. Some step back. Both are worked out in the room rather than prescribed. ## If you grew up with it Children of a parent who drank or used often arrive years later. What they bring does not look like addiction at all. Anxiety, perfectionism, difficulty trusting people or a reflex to manage everyone's feelings. You are allowed to bring that here, decades on, whether or not your parent ever admitted it. Nacoa runs a helpline for adults in exactly this position. If you are under 18 yourself, our [page for parents and young people](https://viacara.com/support/under-18s/) points elsewhere first. ## What we *can* offer This is the part of addiction where a general counsellor or therapist can help you directly. Your distress is the presenting concern, and it does not need addiction treatment. A professional can work with you on the anxiety, the anger and the grief for the relationship you expected. Then on what you want next. You can come alone, or with a partner if the two of you want to work on it together. Our [couples page](https://viacara.com/support/couples/) covers the relationship side. Our [addiction page](https://viacara.com/support/addiction/) holds the specialist routes for the person who is drinking, using or gambling. Thanks for your interest. We're not taking on new clients at the moment. ## Ready to talk about *your* side of it? We ask what matters to you, then find professionals who fit. Leave your email and we'll let you know as soon as we're ready for you. This conversation helps us find you the right support. What you share helps us understand what you're looking for and find someone who fits. Your email keeps you updated on what's happening next and isn't shared with anyone we introduce you to. [Privacy policy](https://viacara.com/privacy) [Terms of service](https://viacara.com/terms) ## References 1. National Health Service (2026). *Alcohol support*. [Link](https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/alcohol-advice/alcohol-support/) 2. National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (2011). *Alcohol-use disorders: diagnosis, assessment and management of harmful drinking and alcohol dependence, CG115*. [Link](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/n/nicecg115/ch8/) 3. National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (2025). *Harmful gambling: identification, assessment and management, NG248*. [Link](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/n/niceng248guid/) 4. National Health Service (2026). *Alcohol poisoning*. [Link](https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/alcohol-poisoning/) 5. National Health Service (2026). *Advice for families of people who use drugs*. [Link](https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/addiction-support/advice-for-the-families-of-drug-users/) ## Related ### [Alcohol and Drugs](https://viacara.com/support/addiction/alcohol-and-drugs/) Free NHS and charity services treat drinking and drug problems, and you can refer yourself. Talking support works alongside them, never instead. ### [Couples Therapy](https://viacara.com/support/couples/) Couples therapy for any kind of couple: how sessions work, time alone with the therapist, what it costs for two and when it is not the right start. ### [Understanding Anxiety](https://viacara.com/support/anxiety/) Learn about anxiety, its symptoms and how therapy can help. Find the right practitioner for anxiety support. ### [Grief Counselling](https://viacara.com/support/grief/) Grief has no timeline. Find a counsellor who can sit with you while you find your way through loss, in your own time and on your own terms. ### [Worried About Your Child](https://viacara.com/support/under-18s/help-for-your-child/) Where a parent or carer can get help for a child's mental health in the UK, what the NHS route looks like, and where to turn if home is not safe. ### [Finding the Right Practitioner](https://viacara.com/guides/finding-a-practitioner/) A practical guide to finding a mental health practitioner who fits your needs, preferences and budget.