![A lavender armchair where a garden path forks around an old oak with a swing on a low branch](https://viacara.com/img/content/separating-and-divorce-feature-light.webp)

# Separating and Divorce

Support when a relationship is ending: deciding whether to part, separating with care, helping children through it and the steps that follow.

## When a relationship is *ending*

Ending a relationship can turn every part of life over at once: home, money, friends and routine. Shock or numbness is common, even when you saw it coming. Relief and grief can arrive on the same day.

You do not need to have decided anything to look for support.

Source: [Relate: separating](https://viacara.com/support/separating-and-divorce/#ref-1)

## You might find support *helpful* when

- You are not sure whether to stay or leave
- You have decided to separate and do not know where to start
- You are worried about what to tell the children
- Your partner has left and you did not want them to
- The legal and money side is wearing you down
- Every conversation with your ex turns into the old fight

## Deciding whether to *leave*

Some people come to a professional before anything is decided. Talking it through can help you see what you want, apart from what you fear.

Tavistock Relationships runs a service for people facing separation, including those not yet sure about their future. It starts with three consultations, for one person or for both of you.

If you still want to save the relationship, our [couples page](https://viacara.com/support/couples/) explains how couples therapy works. If an affair is part of it, our [affairs and trust page](https://viacara.com/support/affairs-and-trust/) may help.

Source: [Tavistock Relationships: separation](https://viacara.com/support/separating-and-divorce/#ref-2)

![A wooden swing under an oak, with a watering can set down on each of two paths](https://viacara.com/img/content/separating-and-divorce-mid-light.webp)

Two homes can still care for the same child.

## Ending with *care*

Ending with care does not mean ending as friends. It means agreeing the next steps without the old fight running every one of them.

A family mediator helps you both agree arrangements for children and money. Before you ask a court to decide either, you usually must attend a meeting about mediation first. Domestic abuse is one of the exemptions.

A government voucher can pay up to £500 towards family mediation. The scheme was extended in May 2026.

If you are leaving because you are afraid of your partner, mediation is not where to start. Our [couples page](https://viacara.com/support/couples/#when-couples-therapy-is-not-the-right-start) lists services that help.

Sources: [GOV.UK: mediation about children](https://viacara.com/support/separating-and-divorce/#ref-3), [GOV.UK: court decisions on money](https://viacara.com/support/separating-and-divorce/#ref-4), [MoJ: mediation vouchers extended](https://viacara.com/support/separating-and-divorce/#ref-5)

## Children and *separation*

Children often think a separation is their fault, and not knowing what happens next can frighten them. Many feel caught in the middle, or pushed to take a side.

Research finds that conflict between parents harms children, whether the parents live together or apart. How that conflict is handled matters most.

Relate suggests you agree together what to tell the children. Cafcass offers Our Child's Plan, an online parenting plan you can use without a referral.

Once you live apart, our [family page](https://viacara.com/support/family/#co-parenting-after-separation) covers co-parenting. If you are worried about how a child is coping, see our [help for your child page](https://viacara.com/support/under-18s/help-for-your-child/).

Sources: [Cafcass: Planning Together](https://viacara.com/support/separating-and-divorce/#ref-6), [Harold & Sellers 2018](https://viacara.com/support/separating-and-divorce/#ref-7), [Relate: separating](https://viacara.com/support/separating-and-divorce/#ref-1)

## The legal *steps*

In England and Wales, you can apply for a divorce once you have been married for over a year. You can apply alone or together. You only need to state that the relationship has permanently broken down.

| Step | When |
| --- | --- |
| Apply online or by post, with a £628 fee | After the first year of marriage |
| Apply for the conditional order | At least 20 weeks after the court issues the application |
| Apply for the final order | At least 6 weeks and 1 day after the conditional order |

A divorce usually takes at least 7 months. A money arrangement becomes legally binding through the court, and that step comes before the final order.

Northern Ireland has its own rules, and you cannot apply in the first two years of marriage. Scotland has a simpler route for some couples with no children under 16. A family law solicitor can advise on your situation.

Sources: [GOV.UK: get a divorce](https://viacara.com/support/separating-and-divorce/#ref-8), [nidirect: divorce](https://viacara.com/support/separating-and-divorce/#ref-9), [Scottish Government: family law](https://viacara.com/support/separating-and-divorce/#ref-10)

## Who to *look* for

Look for a professional who names separation, divorce or relationship endings in their profile. If you are deciding together, look for someone who works with couples.

If you are going through it alone, ask how they support people through an ending. You can say as much or as little as you like in a first message.

Thanks for your interest. We're not taking on new clients at the moment.

## Looking for support while you *separate*?

We ask what matters to you, then find professionals who fit.

Leave your email and we'll let you know as soon as we're ready for you.

This conversation helps us find you the right support.

What you share helps us understand what you're looking for and find someone who fits. Your email keeps you updated on what's happening next and isn't shared with anyone we introduce you to.

[Privacy policy](https://viacara.com/privacy/) [Terms of service](https://viacara.com/terms/)

## References

1. Relate (2026). *We're separating: what next?*. [relate.org.uk](https://www.relate.org.uk/relationship-help/help-separation-and-divorce/separation-and-divorce-common-problems/were-separating-what-next)
2. Tavistock Relationships (2026). *Divorce and separation consultation service*. [tavistockrelationships.org](https://tavistockrelationships.org/counselling-psychotherapy/divorce-and-separation)
3. GOV.UK (2026). *Making child arrangements if you divorce or separate: mediation*. [gov.uk](https://www.gov.uk/looking-after-children-divorce/mediation)
4. GOV.UK (2026). *Money and property when a relationship ends: get the court to decide*. [gov.uk](https://www.gov.uk/money-property-when-relationship-ends/get-court-to-decide)
5. Ministry of Justice (2026). *Families spared time and money during separation thanks to Government action*. [gov.uk](https://www.gov.uk/government/news/families-spared-time-and-money-during-separation-thanks-to-government-action)
6. Cafcass (2023). *Cafcass launches Planning Together for Children*. [cafcass.gov.uk](https://www.cafcass.gov.uk/cafcass-launches-planning-together-for-children-on-behalf-of-the-ministry-of-justice-to-help-parents-to-prioritise-their-childrens-needs-during-separation)
7. Harold, G. T. & Sellers, R. (2018). *Annual Research Review: Interparental conflict and youth psychopathology: an evidence review and practice focused update*. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry. [doi:10.1111/jcpp.12893](https://doi.org/10.1111/jcpp.12893)
8. GOV.UK (2026). *Get a divorce*. [gov.uk](https://www.gov.uk/divorce/print)
9. nidirect (2026). *Getting a divorce or dissolving a civil partnership*. [nidirect.gov.uk](https://www.nidirect.gov.uk/articles/getting-divorce-or-dissolving-civil-partnership)
10. Scottish Government (2025). *Scottish Government consultation on family law*. [gov.scot](https://www.gov.scot/publications/scottish-government-consultation-family-law/pages/5/)

## Related

### [Couples Therapy](https://viacara.com/support/couples/)

Couples therapy for any kind of couple: how sessions work, time alone with the therapist, what it costs for two and when it is not the right start.

### [Family Relationships](https://viacara.com/support/family/)

Strain with parents, siblings, children or step-family is common and can be worked on. Find a professional who helps with family relationships.

### [Affairs and Trust](https://viacara.com/support/affairs-and-trust/)

Support after an affair: what it does to both partners, whether couples therapy can help you rebuild trust, and working on it alone.

### [Worried About Your Child](https://viacara.com/support/under-18s/help-for-your-child/)

Where a parent or carer can get help for a child's mental health in the UK, what the NHS route looks like, and where to turn if home is not safe.

### [Grief Counselling](https://viacara.com/support/grief/)

Grief has no timeline. Find a counsellor who can sit with you while you find your way through loss, in your own time and on your own terms.

### [Anxious about getting married](https://viacara.com/support/moments/getting-married/)

Anxious about your wedding or your marriage? Space to explore your questions, talk about what matters and find support before the day.

### [Finding the Right Support](https://viacara.com/guides/finding-a-practitioner/)

A practical guide to finding a mental health practitioner who fits your needs, preferences and budget.