![A small attic room with a lavender armchair beside a mirror turned to face the wall](https://viacara.com/img/content/self-esteem-feature-light.webp) # Low Self-Esteem Low self-esteem is a learned opinion of yourself, and it can change. Find a professional who helps you see yourself more fairly. Self-esteem is the opinion you hold of yourself. When it is low, that opinion is harsh, and it colours what you try and what you avoid. The NHS says we can develop new ways of seeing ourselves at any age. Low self-esteem is not a diagnosis. It is a pattern, and a professional can help you see it and loosen it. This page explains where it comes from, what it does and what talking therapy offers. Source: [NHS: raising self-esteem](https://viacara.com/support/self-esteem/#ref-1) ## Where it comes from The NHS traces low self-esteem back to messages we took in early, often in childhood. Teachers, friends, siblings, parents and the media all leave a mark. A child who was told they were not good enough often grows into an adult who tells themselves the same. It can also start later. Stress, a serious illness or a bereavement can knock the opinion you hold of yourself. So can years of setting yourself impossibly high standards, or struggling to meet other people's. Some people are simply more prone to negative thinking. That is not a flaw. It is a habit of mind, and habits can be worked on. Source: [NHS: raising self-esteem](https://viacara.com/support/self-esteem/#ref-1) ## What it *does* to you Low self-esteem tends to shrink your life. The NHS says people with low self-esteem often hide from social situations and avoid new challenges. Avoiding them feels safe, but it confirms the doubt, and the circle tightens. Left alone, it can feed [depression](https://viacara.com/support/depression/) and anxiety. Some people reach for smoking or drinking to quiet the inner critic. Our [anxiety page](https://viacara.com/support/anxiety/) covers the worry that often travels with it. Source: [NHS: raising self-esteem](https://viacara.com/support/self-esteem/#ref-1) ## How it *sounds* You may recognise some of these: - You say things to yourself you would never say to a friend - You read a compliment as politeness and a criticism as the truth - You turn down what you want because you expect to fail - You apologise for taking up space - You measure yourself against everyone and always come second None of these are facts about you. They are the voice of an opinion formed a long time ago. ![The same attic room with the mirror turned back and the window open](https://viacara.com/img/content/self-esteem-mid-light.webp) The opinion you hold of yourself was learned, and it can be unlearned ## What *helps* The NHS lists practical steps you can take on your own: - Notice the negative beliefs, then look for evidence that challenges them - Write down things you are good at, and things others say you do well - Spend more time with people who treat you well - Be as kind to yourself as you would be to a friend - Learn to say no when you want to - Give yourself a challenge you can meet These are simple to read and hard to do alone. The critical voice has had years of practice, and it does not go quiet because you asked it to. Source: [NHS: raising self-esteem](https://viacara.com/support/self-esteem/#ref-1) ## What talking therapy can do The NHS names counselling and cognitive behavioural therapy as treatments for low self-esteem. If you live in England, you can refer yourself to NHS Talking Therapies. Elsewhere in the UK, ask a GP what talking therapy your area offers. [Cognitive behavioural therapy](https://viacara.com/approaches/cbt/) works on the beliefs underneath the criticism and tests them against what is true. A [person-centred](https://viacara.com/approaches/person-centred/) counsellor offers something different: you are accepted as you are, which is often what was missing. Being heard without judgement often changes how you hear yourself. Sources: [NHS: raising self-esteem](https://viacara.com/support/self-esteem/#ref-1), [NHS: talking therapies](https://viacara.com/support/self-esteem/#ref-2) ## Who to *look* for Look for a professional who names self-esteem, self-worth or confidence in their profile. Ask how they work with self-criticism, and whether they set homework between sessions. Neither answer is wrong, as long as it suits you. If you choose to see someone privately, the NHS advises checking they are professionally registered. Every professional found through us has been through that check. Many people wait, because asking for help feels like another thing they are not good enough at. Tell us how you talk to yourself, and we will find someone who can help you talk back. Source: [NHS: raising self-esteem](https://viacara.com/support/self-esteem/#ref-1) Thanks for your interest. We're not taking on new clients at the moment. ## Ready to be *kinder* to yourself? We ask what matters to you, then find professionals who fit. Leave your email and we'll let you know as soon as we're ready for you. This conversation helps us find you the right support. What you share helps us understand what you're looking for and find someone who fits. Your email keeps you updated on what's happening next and isn't shared with anyone we introduce you to. [Privacy policy](https://viacara.com/privacy) [Terms of service](https://viacara.com/terms) ## References 1. National Health Service (2023). *Raising low self-esteem*. [Link](https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/self-help/tips-and-support/raise-low-self-esteem/) 2. National Health Service (2026). *Find an NHS talking therapies service*. [Link](https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/mental-health-services/find-nhs-talking-therapies-for-anxiety-and-depression/) ## Related ### [Understanding Anxiety](https://viacara.com/support/anxiety/) Learn about anxiety, its symptoms and how therapy can help. Find the right practitioner for anxiety support. ### [Anger](https://viacara.com/support/anger/) Anger is a normal feeling. When it comes too fast, too often or too hard, it can be worked on. Find a professional who helps you understand it. ### [Sleep Problems and Insomnia](https://viacara.com/support/sleep/) Insomnia is thought to affect around 1 in 3 people in the UK. Find a professional who works with sleep and with what keeps you awake. ### [Imposter Syndrome](https://viacara.com/support/imposter-syndrome/) Feeling like a fraud however well you do is common, and the research does not call it an illness. Where it comes from, and who can help. ### [Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)](https://viacara.com/approaches/cbt/) Learn how CBT works, what happens in sessions and what NICE says about it, and read about its forms for sleep, pain and self-help. ### [Person-Centred Therapy](https://viacara.com/approaches/person-centred/) Learn how person-centred therapy works, what sessions look like and why the relationship with your therapist matters most. ### [Finding the Right Practitioner](https://viacara.com/guides/finding-a-practitioner/) A practical guide to finding a mental health practitioner who fits your needs, preferences and budget. ### [Life Online](https://viacara.com/support/life-online/) Social media, the news and hours on your phone can wear down your mood, sleep and self-worth. What being online can do, and where support fits. ### [Comparison and Self-Worth Online](https://viacara.com/support/life-online/comparison/) Scrolling past other people's best moments can wear down how you see yourself. Why comparison online hurts, and what can help. ### [Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT)](https://viacara.com/approaches/compassion-focused-therapy/) Learn how compassion-focused therapy (CFT) works with shame and a harsh inner critic, what sessions involve and what the research shows so far. ### [Schema Therapy](https://viacara.com/approaches/schema-therapy/) Learn how schema therapy works with long-standing patterns from early life, what sessions involve and what the research does and does not show. ### [Low Mood and Depression](https://viacara.com/support/depression/) Low mood that lasts two weeks or more can be a sign of depression. It is common and treatable. Find a professional who works with low mood.