![A heavily loaded wheelbarrow left standing on a garden path, with a chair a few steps further on](https://viacara.com/img/content/men-waiting-feature-light.webp) # Waiting Until It Gets Serious Men often hold on until something breaks. The figures on midlife men are hard reading, and there is a lot of room before that point. ## The threshold keeps *moving* Plenty of men have a rule about when they would get help. It usually involves things being much worse than they currently are. The rule tends to move as things get worse. What counted as serious five years ago is now a normal Tuesday. That is not weakness or denial. It is what happens when you adapt to a load slowly enough. ## What the *figures* show In 2024 about 6,200 suicides were registered in England and Wales. Men died at three times the rate of women. The highest rate of any group was men aged 50-54, about 1 in 3,600 that year. Those years are usually the ones with the most people leaning on you. Work, a mortgage, teenagers and ageing parents tend to arrive together. Source: [ONS: suicides 2024](https://viacara.com/support/men/waiting-until-crisis/#ref-1) ## Getting in *works* Once men start treatment, their outcomes are comparable to women's. The difficulty sits before that point, not after it. Referrals show the same shape. In 2023-24, NHS Talking Therapies counted half as many men as women. The BABCP reads that as 33% of referrals. In England, 17% of men aged 16-64 have a common mental health condition. For women it is 28%. The gap in referrals is much wider than the gap in need. Sources: [BABCP: men's access](https://viacara.com/support/men/waiting-until-crisis/#ref-3), [NHS England Digital: talking therapies](https://viacara.com/support/men/waiting-until-crisis/#ref-2), [NHS England Digital: morbidity survey](https://viacara.com/support/men/waiting-until-crisis/#ref-4) ![The same path further on, with the wheelbarrow load partly unpacked and a chair beside it](https://viacara.com/img/content/men-waiting-mid-light.webp) Putting it down early is allowed. Nothing has to break first. ## You do not need a *breakdown* first Nobody checks whether you have earned a session. There is no threshold to clear and no queue of people more deserving. We do not assess anyone and we do not diagnose anyone. We connect you with professionals who work with what you describe. Most of the work with men who left it late is fairly practical. Sleep, anger, drinking, a relationship that has gone quiet, a job that stopped meaning anything. You might find it easier to start with the thing you would tell a GP. The rest tends to follow on its own. ## If talking is the *hard* part You do not have to arrive with the language for it. Saying that you do not know where to start is a normal way to begin. Some professionals work in ways that suit people who find sitting and talking difficult. Walking sessions, structured approaches and shorter blocks of work all exist. Telling us what you cannot face is useful. It narrows who we suggest. ## Somewhere to go that is *not* a clinic Some men want a room full of other men before they want a professional. That is a reasonable place to start. [Andy's Man Club](https://andysmanclub.co.uk) Men 18 and over Free peer support groups across the UK and online. No booking, no referral, and nobody has to speak. Not a helpline, and groups do not run on bank holidays. Mondays from 7pm [Find a group](https://andysmanclub.co.uk/groups/) Our [UK crisis page](https://viacara.com/crisis/gb/) lists people you can talk to at any hour. Thanks for your interest. We're not taking on new clients at the moment. ## You do not have to wait for a bad *enough* reason We ask what matters to you, then find professionals who fit. Leave your email and we'll let you know as soon as we're ready for you. This conversation helps us find you the right support. What you share helps us understand what you're looking for and find someone who fits. Your email keeps you updated on what's happening next and isn't shared with anyone we introduce you to. [Privacy policy](https://viacara.com/privacy) [Terms of service](https://viacara.com/terms) ## References 1. Office for National Statistics (2025). *Suicides in England and Wales: 1981 to 2024 registrations*. [Link](https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/deaths/bulletins/suicidesintheunitedkingdom/2024registrations) 2. NHS England Digital (2024). *NHS Talking Therapies for anxiety and depression, annual report 2023-24*. [Link](https://digital.nhs.uk/data-and-information/publications/statistical/nhs-talking-therapies-for-anxiety-and-depression-annual-reports/2023-24) 3. BABCP (2025). *Men's access to talking therapies*. [Link](https://babcp.com/mens-access-to-talking-therapies/) 4. NHS England Digital (2025). *Adult psychiatric morbidity survey 2023/4, chapter 1, common mental health conditions*. [Link](https://digital.nhs.uk/data-and-information/publications/statistical/adult-psychiatric-morbidity-survey/survey-of-mental-health-and-wellbeing-england-2023-24/common-mental-health-conditions) ## Related ### [Understanding Anxiety](https://viacara.com/support/anxiety/) Learn about anxiety, its symptoms and how therapy can help. Find the right practitioner for anxiety support. ### [What to Expect from a First Consultation](https://viacara.com/guides/what-to-expect/) Everything you need to know about your first therapy or coaching session, from what to say to how to prepare. ### [Finding the Right Practitioner](https://viacara.com/guides/finding-a-practitioner/) A practical guide to finding a mental health practitioner who fits your needs, preferences and budget. ### [Anger](https://viacara.com/support/anger/) Anger is a normal feeling. When it comes too fast, too often or too hard, it can be worked on. Find a professional who helps you understand it. ### [Guernsey's suicide rate is below its 2019-21 peak, and Jersey's has held steady](https://viacara.com/research/channel-islands-mental-health/) Guernsey's suicide rate is below its 2019-21 peak and Jersey's has held steady for a decade. What the island mortality reports measure, and their limits.