![A long kitchen table under a pergola with chairs of different sizes around it and a lavender armchair at one end](https://viacara.com/img/content/family-feature-light.webp) # Family Relationships Strain with parents, siblings, children or step-family is common and can be worked on. Find a professional who helps with family relationships. Family is where most of us learned what love, conflict and silence look like. When something goes wrong there, it reaches further than almost anything else. A long row with a parent can shape every other part of your life. So can a sibling who has stopped calling, or a step-family that will not knit together. You do not need the whole family to agree there is a problem. You can start on your own. ## When family strain needs *support* Every family has hard patches, and most pass. Support becomes useful when a pattern repeats and nobody can break it. Many people find they reach out when one of these is true: - The same argument with a parent or sibling has run for years and nothing shifts - You have gone no-contact with a family member, or they have with you - A new partner, step-children or a second family has changed who belongs where - You and an ex are raising children between two homes and cannot speak without a fight - You are caring for a parent and old resentments have come back with the role - A death, a will or a diagnosis has split the family into sides None of these needs a "good enough" reason. Wanting it to be different is enough. ## Estrangement and cutting off Some families break rather than bend. Estrangement is more common than people admit, because it carries so much shame on both sides. In a 2014 Ipsos survey, 8% of British adults said they were estranged from a family member. The person who left often feels guilty for years. The person left behind often feels punished without a trial. Neither position needs fixing before you can get support. A professional will not push you to reconcile, and will not tell you to stay away. They help you work out what you want, and what you can live with. Source: [Ipsos MORI: estrangement survey](https://viacara.com/support/family/#ref-3) ## Blending, *step-families* and second families A blended family asks people to love on a schedule they did not choose. Children arrive with loyalties to a parent who is not in the room. Adults arrive with rules from a previous household. The strain often lands on the couple, when it started somewhere else. Adoptive and kinship families carry a version of the same thing, with a child's earlier history in the room too. Support for a blended family looks at the whole system, not the person who is shouting loudest. Our [couples page](https://viacara.com/support/couples/) covers the part that sits between the two adults. ## Co-parenting after *separation* Ending a relationship does not end the parenting. Many separated parents find the arguments simply move from the kitchen to the handover. The children hear all of it. Some professionals work specifically with co-parents, sometimes together and sometimes apart. The aim is not to reopen the relationship. It is to get two adults talking about the same child without the old fight starting again. If you are worried about how a child is coping, our [help for your child page](https://viacara.com/support/under-18s/help-for-your-child/) lists services for them. ![The same table seen from the lavender armchair, with the chairs pulled closer and the evening light coming in](https://viacara.com/img/content/family-mid-light.webp) Family therapy makes room for every chair at the table, including the empty ones ## Decisions about having *children* Some family strain is about a family that has not happened. Wanting children and not having them is a grief with no funeral. Friends often do not know what to say. Not knowing whether you want children at all can be as isolating, especially when a partner has decided. Both are things a professional can sit with. Neither needs a diagnosis to count as worth talking about. If loss is the larger part of it, our [grief page](https://viacara.com/support/grief/) may be the better place to start. ## What family therapy looks like The NHS lists problems in your relationships among the things counselling can help with. Family therapy goes further. It brings people into the room together, not just one side. The Association for Family Therapy describes it as helping people in close relationships understand and support one another. "Family" means whoever matters to you, not only blood relatives. Sessions tend to be longer than an individual hour, and spaced further apart. You will not be asked to agree on what happened. The therapist works with the fact that each of you remembers it differently. Our diagrams compare ways of working with families: - [Family and systemic therapy](https://viacara.com/approaches/family-and-systemic-therapy/#family-systemic-map) explores the links between people's responses. - [Structural family therapy](https://viacara.com/approaches/family-and-systemic-therapy/#structural-family-map) looks at roles, boundaries and exchanges in the room. These names describe how sessions work, rather than which family member needs to change. Sources: [NHS: counselling](https://viacara.com/support/family/#ref-1), [AFT: family therapy](https://viacara.com/support/family/#ref-2) ## Working on it *alone* Family therapy often starts with one person. You may be the only one willing to come, or the only one you can safely bring. That is a normal starting point, not a lesser one. An individual therapist or counsellor can help you see the pattern you are caught in and your part in it. Some use [emotionally focused therapy](https://viacara.com/approaches/emotionally-focused-therapy/), which looks at the attachment needs underneath a family fight. Others use systemic ideas alone with you. Ask how they work with family relationships when you first talk. ## Who to *look* for Look for a professional who names family relationships, estrangement or step-families in their profile. Ask whether they see people alone, in pairs, or together. If you plan to bring a parent or an adult child later, say so early. ## *Helplines* for family worries Sometimes what you need tonight is a person on the phone, not a therapist next week. These services answer family questions a therapist cannot. [Coram Family Lives](https://www.coramfamilylives.org.uk) Parents and family England Wales Any family or parenting worry, including step-families, separation and conflict with teenagers or adult children. No diagnosis or referral needed. Weekdays 9am to 9pm Weekends 10am to 3pm [Call](tel:+448088002222) [Children First Supportline](https://www.childrenfirst.org.uk) Parents and family Scotland Scotland's equivalent, and where Coram Family Lives sends Scottish callers. Weekdays 9am to 9pm Weekends 9am to noon [Call](tel:+448000282233) [Adoption UK](https://www.adoptionuk.org) Adoptive and kinship families Information and support for anyone parenting a child who was adopted or is in kinship care, before and long after placement. Calls cost the standard rate for an 03 number. Weekdays 10am to 2.30pm closed on public holidays [Call](tel:+443006660006) [Fertility Network UK](https://fertilitynetworkuk.org) Childless not by choice A support line and a More to Life community for people who wanted children and are living without them. Calls cost the standard rate for a landline. Weekdays 10am to 4pm [Call](tel:+441424732361) Family strain rarely fixes itself by waiting. Tell us who is involved and what has changed, and we will find the right person. Thanks for your interest. We're not taking on new clients at the moment. ## Ready to *untangle* what is happening at home? We ask what matters to you, then find professionals who fit. Leave your email and we'll let you know as soon as we're ready for you. This conversation helps us find you the right support. What you share helps us understand what you're looking for and find someone who fits. Your email keeps you updated on what's happening next and isn't shared with anyone we introduce you to. [Privacy policy](https://viacara.com/privacy) [Terms of service](https://viacara.com/terms) ## References 1. National Health Service (2026). *Counselling*. [Link](https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/talking-therapies-medicine-treatments/talking-therapies-and-counselling/counselling/) 2. Association for Family Therapy and Systemic Practice (2026). *What is family and systemic therapy?*. [Link](https://www.aft.org.uk/page/whatisfamilytherapy) 3. Ipsos MORI for Stand Alone (2014). *Family estrangement survey*. [Link](https://www.ipsos.com/ipsos-mori/en-uk/family-estrangement-survey-stand-alone) ## Related ### [Couples Therapy](https://viacara.com/support/couples/) Couples therapy for any kind of couple: how sessions work, time alone with the therapist, what it costs for two and when it is not the right start. ### [Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT, not EMDR)](https://viacara.com/approaches/emotionally-focused-therapy/) Learn how emotionally focused therapy works for couples and families, how it differs from EMDR and tapping, and what the research shows. ### [Grief Counselling](https://viacara.com/support/grief/) Grief has no timeline. Find a counsellor who can sit with you while you find your way through loss, in your own time and on your own terms. ### [Worried About Your Child](https://viacara.com/support/under-18s/help-for-your-child/) Where a parent or carer can get help for a child's mental health in the UK, what the NHS route looks like, and where to turn if home is not safe. ### [Finding the Right Practitioner](https://viacara.com/guides/finding-a-practitioner/) A practical guide to finding a mental health practitioner who fits your needs, preferences and budget. ### [What to Expect from a First Consultation](https://viacara.com/guides/what-to-expect/) Everything you need to know about your first therapy or coaching session, from what to say to how to prepare. ### [Family and Systemic Therapy](https://viacara.com/approaches/family-and-systemic-therapy/) Learn how family and systemic therapy works with the patterns between people, who comes to sessions and what NICE and the research say.